“And then will I declare to them, ‘’Depart from me, I never knew you.’”
— Jesus
“In some sense, as dark to the intellect as it is unendurable to the feelings, we can be both banished from the presence of Him who is present everywhere and erased from the knowledge of Him who knows all.”
— C.S. Lewis
A DESIRE TO BE USEFUL
If I’m honest, one of my core drivers in life is impact. Not necessarily out of a desire to be outwardly impressive, but from a place of wanting my life to matter. Hoping that my actions will leave a mark and shape things around me in a way that brings about more beauty than brokenness.
Recently, I asked a close friend of mine to give me unfiltered feedback. I specifically asked him to love me well by not holding back. We met for coffee and over that time he described some of the things that he had seen in my life as he’s had a front row seat the past few years. One of the things that he said was essentially:
“You’re obsessed with being useful.”
At face value that seems like a compliment disguised as reproof. But he went on to say that at times it seems like I derive my worth from my usefulness to others. He was extremely encouraging and shared with me that his affection for our relationship had nothing to do with anything I could do for him, but rather the friend I have been to him over our time together.
That conversation has pinged my heart a few times ever since.
When I read through the gospels there are a few verses in particular to almost immediately sober me up. One of those being Matthew 7:21-23 which says:
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’
It’s not a passage that condemns laziness though those do exist. It isn’t rebuking passivity. It is exposing the terrifying possibility of impact without intimacy.
Jesus isn’t describing lukewarm church attenders. He describes people who did ministry. They spoke truth, they prophesied, they cast out demons, they did many a mighty work. To those observing their life it would have certainly seemed like they were having a measurable impact for the kingdom.
Yet Jesus says, “I never knew you.” Don’t get that wrong. He didn’t say, “You didn’t do enough.” He didn’t say, “You lacked results.” He says, “I never knew you.”
The issue had nothing to do with usefulness. It was an issue of relationship.
THE WORK OF JUDAS
A pastor friend once pointed something out to me that I had never seen before. In John 13, when Jesus predicts His betrayal, it says:
“The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke.” [John 13:22]
Let that sink in for a second.
There wasn’t murmuring among them as they all slowly turned and stared at Judas. They didn’t whisper to themselves, “Oh…now it all makes sense. That’s why he was ineffective.”
Judas had been with them. He walked with them on nearly the entire journey. He preached the word. He cast out demons. He performed miracles. There was no visible deficit in the impact of his works noted in scripture.
His ministry résumé would have looked very similar to that of Peter and John. But if you looked at his heart… you would have seen it was drifting.
It’s possible for us to walk with Jesus publicly and drift away from Him privately. You can be present for the miracles and still be the one who betrayed the Messiah. That should sober all of us up.
IMPACT FEELS SAFER THAN INTIMACY
The reality is that we assess our lives most often through measurables.
Impact is quantifiable where as intimacy can be invisible. We can garner the praise of others for our impact all while intimacy stays hidden. If we are honest with ourselves, usefulness often feels safer than closeness.
We can control the output of our effort. We can’t necessarily control our affection and emotions. I can grind, and work, and toil, but I can’t manufacture presence. So we carry on seeking to be useful.
We pacify our lack of intimacy with ruthless action. We stay busy for God to avoid being still in His presence. We convince ourselves that our impact will bear fruit and that fruit will breed fellowship with the Father. Jesus never hired us to be spiritual contractors, He’s looking for sons and daughters.
If you’re anything like me, you may have found yourself believing a lie that sounds something like this:
“If I do this for You, then You will be pleased with me.”
But the reality is that the gospel flips that script. You are already loved. Already accepted. Already known. Already offered adoption into His family. We work from approval not for approval. We work from affection not for affection.
When intimacy is the foundation, impact becomes overflow. When intimacy is absent, impact becomes the only way we know how to compensate. One is worship. The other is insecurity masquerading as service.
Would you still follow Jesus if no one saw?
Would you still obey if no one applauded?
Would you still love Him if your comfort disappeared?
Don’t get me wrong, impact is a gift. But intimacy is the goal.
A FINAL CHARGE
Take inventory this week.
Where are you striving for impact while neglecting intimacy?
Is your quiet time a checklist?
Is church attendance a box to mark?
Are you carrying the image of a Christ follower without cultivating the heart of one?
Recalibrate. Sit with Him. Open your Bible slowly. Pray without agenda. Be known before trying to be useful.
At the end of the day, the most terrifying words are not,
“You didn’t accomplish enough.”
They are,
“I never knew you.”
Seek to know Him friends. Walking with you.
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