"It is not your job to discourage someone for the sake of humility.”
— Joby Martin
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.”
— 1 Peter 5:6-7
THE FEAR OF ARROGANCE
I say this with all humility, but I was a gifted kid. I know that is an odd way to start this, but hang with me here.
I didn’t know what it meant to get a B until I was in med school. I played varsity sports. I got awards. I was chosen for leadership roles. On the outside, I looked like a kid who had it together. Confident and capable.
But inwardly? I was unsure. Not arrogant. Not self-assured. I was just trying to figure out my place in the world like everyone else.
Yet the message I received over and over, mostly from well meaning adults, was:
“Don’t be arrogant.”
“Stay humble.”
“Don’t get a big head.”
It was like people were on watch for ego inflation, waiting to pounce with a pin if they saw any swelling pride. But here’s what I now know as an adult. I didn’t need to be restrained. I needed to be encouraged.
I was never the overconfident showboater people assumed I might become. In fact, I’ve spent most of my life as a reluctant leader, gifted, yes, but hesitant to fully step into it. Why? Because I had internalized the idea that fully walking in my gifts might make me prideful, or worse, make others uncomfortable.
And I think a lot of people feel the same way.
KEEPING PEOPLE HUMBLE
Somewhere along the line, many of us picked up a flawed belief that it’s our job to keep people humble.
We say things like:
“Don’t inflate their ego.”
“They already get enough praise.”
“Don’t want them to think too highly of themselves.”
But the reality is, you cannot discourage someone into humility. That’s not how God works. And it’s not how transformation happens.
Humility isn’t something you force onto someone else, it’s something God forms in us through His Spirit. And Scripture is shockingly clear about our role in one another’s lives:
Build.
Encourage.
Call Up.
Fan into flame.
Stir up.
Speak life.
Spur on.
Lift up.
You won’t find one verse that commands:
“Keep each other small”
Not once. You will find the call to admonish, but when Paul admonishes believers, it’s not to put them in their place, it’s to remind them of who they really are in Christ. Even in correction, there’s restoration. Even in rebuke, there’s belief in the person’s God-given potential.
We, on the other hand, often correct out of fear, insecurity, or subtle envy. And instead of cultivating faith, we become critics guarding against someone else’s breakthrough. But make no mistake, the fear of someone else’s pride is not a valid excuse for your failure to encourage them.
PLAYING SMALL
The more I’ve grown, the more I see how many people around me are gifted but insecure. They’re called, but unsure. Equipped, but unaffirmed. Full of potential, but paralyzed by the fear of being “too much.”
And so they stay small. They hesitate. They delay. They hide behind a false sense of “humility” when really what they need is permission to step up and lead boldly.
Our job isn’t to tame people. It’s to unleash them. True Christian community doesn’t suppress gifts, it fans them into flame. True discipleship doesn’t keep people in their place, it calls them into purpose. True humility isn’t about playing small, it’s about recognizing your strength and surrendering it to God for His glory, not your own.
You don’t have to fear encouraging someone who is already walking with God. The Holy Spirit will form humility in them far better than your suspicion will. Your job is to water the seeds, not to be the thorns that hinder the growth.
JESUS' BOLDNESS
When we think of boldness, many of us picture a brash personality or someone who dominates a room. But real, kingdom boldness looks like Jesus. He wasn’t afraid to teach in the synagogue at twelve. He didn’t shy away from rebuking Peter when he was out of line. He didn’t shrink back when truth needed spoken to Pilate even when His life was on the line. He wasn’t afraid of how He was perceived by the crowds.
He taught as one who had authority. People were astonished by Him, not because He was arrogant, but because He was unapologetically walking in the fullness of His identity and calling.
That’s what happens when you know who sent you.
That’s what happens when you stop living for the approval of people and start living from the approval of God.
We don't serve a timid Savior.
We serve a Savior who called fishermen to preach, flipped tables in the temple, wept at funerals, touched lepers, forgave sinners, and willingly walked toward a cross.
And if you follow Him, really follow Him, don’t expect your life to look cautious and careful.
Expect to be misunderstood. But if your fear of being misunderstood is keeping you from obedience, it’s not humility, it’s bondage.
THE GIFT OF GODLY ENCOURAGEMENT
Some of the most powerful moments in my life have come from simple encouragement.
A mentor saying, “You were made for this”
A friend texting, “Don’t shrink back. Step into it.”
A leader pulling me aside and saying, “I see this gift in you.”
Those words didn’t puff me up, they propelled me forward.
That’s exactly what Godly encouragement does.
It doesn’t stroke egos. It stirs up calling. It doesn’t make us proud. It makes us faithful. It doesn’t feed arrogance. It fuels obedience.
A FINAL CHARGE
You can’t discourage someone into humility.
And you were never asked to.
Your job is to build up the saints. To equip the body. To speak life.
To help people become more of who they were created to be, not less.
So today, encourage someone.
Call out the gold in them.
Remind them they don’t need to play small to be holy. Remind them that boldness and humility can co-exist. Remind them that God didn’t give them gifts just to keep them buried.
And maybe most of all…Remind yourself.
Because maybe the person you’ve been holding back the most is you.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re not arrogant for walking in what God gave you.
You’re not dangerous because you’re gifted.
What if thousands of believers stepped fully into the gifts God has given them this week?
What if you reminded yourself that God hasn’t forgotten the ways that he gifted you?
What if you breathed life into the gifts of your community this week and watched as lives changed?
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