The most arrogant, blind, and prideful mindset that I think is humanly possible to possess is the mindset in which we know a particular action will yield a specific consequence, yet we take part in the action believing ‘that consequence won’t happen to me.’
The easiest example of this notion is tobacco use. It’s been undoubtedly proven that taking part in the action of chewing tobacco or smoking yields the consequence of cancer. I’ve done neither but struggle in an area that could potentially reap a more drastic consequence than that of smoking. It’s an area where so many struggle alongside me, yet so few want to bring it to light because it means confronting sin and being serious in putting that sin to death. However, the difficult moments are where victory is decided. Our testing points are tipping points.
God has put it on my heart, along with the others here at Humbled Daily, to address this epidemic. I’d wager that this is a struggle in your life, so please know this before we even begin: you are so loved by God and by us, and that I am in this struggle right along with you.
Please do not run from conviction. It is healthy and transformative. Do not confuse conviction with condemnation, though. The two are drastically different; conviction brings freedom while condemnation only brings shame. God is near and the grip of sin will never be strong enough to hold you once you make the decision to turn and run to God.
The Problem
Pornography is an epidemic that has erupted in our homes, our schools and our churches over the last decade. This is not a statistical analysis paper. I intend to present the harms and provide encouragement to pursue deliverance.
Why Porn is Deathly Dangerous
Porn is a con artist. It cheats us by playing the confidence game; it knows we’re prideful and far too self-reliant. But it’s also a master at disguising destruction; porn appears to satisfy our appetites but only steals our satisfaction. Yet struggling with porn is seen as either shameful or cultural. As a result, we hesitate to tell those closest to us. By hesitating to tell those closest to us we settle into the comfort of secrecy. It becomes a positive feed back loop: the more we hide our fight, the easier it becomes to do it, which in turn makes us hide it that much more, and the merciless cycle continues with time and momentum. We wind up having to fight what we feed.
How we Win
There is freedom. True security isn’t found in secrecy, it’s found in our Savior and our support.
Do not be afraid of those close to you. They are close to you because God has placed them in your life to uphold you, support you, and encourage you. Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us this:
“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching”
We see in this verse that we are wired for community, we are built for community. The only way someone can encourage and support you is if they know there’s a battle in the first place. Bring this fight out of the darkness.
*If you don’t have someone right now, allow us to be that person in this season (info@humbleddaily.com)
How we Help
If someone has told you about their fight with porn, they trust you greatly. Don’t take this lightly. It is a great honor to bear the burdens of a brother or sister in Christ. We read this in Galatians 6:2:
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ”
Know that they not only trust you with what may be one of their deepest, darkest secrets, but they trust that you will be committed to keeping them accountable. Be committed. That doesn’t mean you shoot them a text here and there for a month and then fade right back into the normality of life; it means you fight alongside them each and every day (talk in person or on the phone daily, tag them in an encouraging post, shoot them some scripture, etc.) Fighting porn is an unbearable burden for someone to carry on their own. Follow through on your commitment.
Fixing the Fault
Notice again in Hebrews 10:24-25 what we are called to spur others on towards: love. Love is so much more than an emotion, it’s a lifestyle. The love that I want to talk about here is the love that we should have for others, because our understanding of biblical love is integral in pressing forward in our fight with porn.
“‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments.” [Matthew 22:36-40]
We should have a love for people that longs to see everyone find joy. A love so deep that our hearts hurt to see others in wronged. Our hearts must break for the souls that are abused during the production of porn. We need to long for deliverance from the pain, the hurt, and the abuse that these souls endure. We must stop looking at women at face value and start looking at them with God’s value.
They are children of God; loved and valued by the One True King. They are not objects to be consumed for personal, disgusting, pleasure. When we partake in porn, our personal pleasure piggybacks on the cheapening and consumption of the souls of God’s children.
Think of your children, or future children. I don’t have children yet but I guarantee that if a man ever views my daughter as an object to be consumed rather than a human with a soul it would take all I had not to hunt that man down and hurt him, and I imagine I am not alone in that. Now, take that anger and multiply it by infinity to understand fully the wrath of God.
Despite that, so many of us who struggle with porn are doing the exact same thing to the children of the most just judge in the universe. Think of the hypocrisy of that. Don’t devalue God’s beautiful creation.
The Hard Truth
Now, allow me to be straight here.
Porn is addictive. Viewing pornography carves neural pathways into your brain that leave you craving more.
Porn addiction is progressive. These neural pathways are carved deeper and deeper every time porn is viewed. Thus, to reach the same level of satisfaction, to hit the same ‘high’, there becomes a ‘need’ to view porn in higher volume, or you escalate the intensity of the video.
Porn will taint your view of women, including your spouse. This should scare you. The longer you feed this addiction, the more your view of women will become skewed, and as a result, your future satisfaction in marriage will decline. You don’t turn porn off once you’re married. It only leads to frustration when your spouse doesn’t measure up to your unrealistic expectations set by your fantasy life. You’ll find yourself choosing a fabricated fantasy online over actual intimacy with your spouse. This. Is. Not. Right.
These are life and death facts. Please do not allow yourself to slip into the prideful, deadly mindset of “I know those are consequences, but that won’t happen to me.” Remember, porn is a con artist. Our bodies and our beings were not designed by God for this. We were designed to have a deeply intimate relationship with one woman.
Our Hope
Rest in the biblical truth that God is near, and where God is near, freedom is near. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says:
No matter where you find yourself with this fight, there God is. Now, if it feels like he is far I would offer this to you: Turn Around. Maybe God feels far because you have fallen into a trap of self-pity asking God “why have I struggled with this for so long?!” I’ve been there. It is an absolutely empty, lonely place to be. Maybe God feels far because somewhere along this road to recovery you chose to sit down and stop because you felt like you had worked hard enough and you were expecting God to carry you the rest of the way. Maybe God feels far because you need to get back on your feet and start your pursuit again. Maybe God feels far because He’s waiting for you to be serious about repentance rather than continually offering up the empty promises of “forgive me Lord, I will be better.” Ecclesiastes 5:5 offers this:
“It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it.”
God doesn’t ask us for promises. God commands us to love him with the love he has for us. His love endured the cross for us. Love Him enough to endure a battle for Him.
Forgiveness Finds You Where You Are
Don’t finish this without knowing this: God delights in you. It’s such a difficult truth to grasp because it simply doesn’t make sense, a perfect God delighting in a broken, far from perfect, human? But this truth is instrumental in fighting this battle. Jesus didn’t die on a cross for some future version of you. He didn’t die with the mindset of, “I’m banking on _______ beating their porn addiction for this to be worth it.” That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Jesus died with every one of your sins past, present, and future in His mind and still endured the cross for you. God delights in the person that you are now, He finds pleasure in the person you are now, and he loves you for the person that you are now because everything was paid for on the cross.
With all that being said, I also plead with you to not twist the theology here. I feel that all too often, we take this truth of God delighting in us and we twist it into something self-assuring:
“If God delights in me right now and God will always forgive me, what’s the big downfall in continuing this lifestyle?”
You are missing the point of the death of Jesus if you see God’s forgiveness in this light. He is a forgiving God but He is also a just God. Sin is what caused a division between God and us in the first place, and there is always a consequence for sin. God’s forgiveness is not a loophole for us to abuse, God’s forgiveness is a launch pad for us to use. It should be something that motivates us greatly towards repentance, not something to ‘allow’ us to continue in sin. Quite frankly, following Jesus requires a life-change, it’s a daily pursuit of becoming more and more like Jesus.
This fight is anything but easy. But we serve a huge God, and when we live our lives in dependence upon Him, we can and we will beat this.
Sharable Quotes:
Noah Rivera // Humbled Daily Co-founder, Wyoming native and aspiring petroleum engineer at the University of Wyoming.
1 comment
Noah, worship the Son of God!!!! God freed me from porn on 1/23/21 after more than four years of “seeing HOW MUCH I need God!” as he kept telling me! I co-work with him daily and thankfully as I pray for everyone to be free from or avoid porn, offending God of love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God always biblically decides whether each servant of his is empowered by HImself to obey or is allowed to sin so that they MAY gain something of God’s holy character for his glory and our good, and still, of people’s good that He where He wants to use our weakness for their godly gain!