“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
— Paul [1 Thessalonians 5:11]
“How do you know if someone needs encouragement?…If they're breathing”
— S. Truett Cathy
LOVING OUT LOUD
This Tuesday will be my wife’s 30th birthday. If you know her, have her number, or see her, I hope you will take the time to lift her up. She is one of one and puts everything she has into loving and celebrating her people, and my prayer is that that will feedback on her this week.
That being said, I found it fitting to write about a tradition and practice we have developed over the years. When someone in our community has a birthday, we don’t just gather for cake and small talk. At some point in the evening, we pause the festivities, circle around the person, and speak words of life into them.
One by one, friends and family share what they see in them, their gifts, their strengths, the ways they reflect the image of God. It is a moment of deep encouragement, and often, it is overwhelming.
I have seen grown men cry, speechless at hearing out loud what others have quietly believed about them for years.
I have seen women stand taller, filled with the realization that their unseen sacrifices have not gone unnoticed.
I have seen friendships deepen as people recognize and affirm the value in one another, creating bonds that last a lifetime.
It shouldn’t be rare to hear the truth about ourselves.
But too often, we keep encouragement locked inside our own hearts, waiting for the “right moment.” That moment often never comes, or worse, it comes too late, at a funeral, when the words are spoken but the person they were meant for is no longer there to receive them.
PUT COURAGE IN THE HEART
The word encourage comes from the Old French encoragier, which means “to make strong, to hearten.” It literally means to put courage into someone. When we encourage, we aren’t just offering compliments; we are strengthening the hearts of those around us, calling them into the fullness of who God made them to be.
When Jesus called Peter the rock, He wasn’t just describing him, He was calling something out of him. [Matthew 16:18]
When Paul told Timothy not to let anyone despise his youth, he was putting courage into his heart to step boldly into his calling. [1 Timothy 4:12]
When Barnabas (whose name literally means “son of encouragement”) took Paul under his wing, he was helping him become the apostle who would shape the early church. [Acts 9:26-27]
Words create worlds.
The words we speak over people shape the way they see themselves. When we withhold encouragement, we may be withholding the very thing someone needs to step fully into their God-given identity.
THE INSECURITY THAT SILENCES US
So why do we hesitate? Why do we hold back words of life?
For many, it’s insecurity. We are afraid that speaking life into someone else will somehow diminish us, as if recognizing another’s strength will expose our own weaknesses. Or we assume they don’t need to hear it, that they already know their worth, that they don’t need us to say it.
That is the lie we are too often tempted to believe.
The world is loud with criticism, doubt, and comparison. People do not naturally drift toward confidence in their calling. Encouragement is often the nudge that helps them step fully into all they are called to be.
CHANGE THE PARADIGM
What if we didn’t wait until funerals to say the things that truly matter?
What if birthdays became a time to call out the truth we see in people, to remind them who they are and what they bring to the world?
Imagine the impact:
A son who grows up hearing his father call him a leader before he fully sees it in himself.
A woman who is told she carries the presence of God in a way that makes others feel safe and seen.
A friend who, for the first time, realizes that his quiet faithfulness has been shaping those around him all along.
The words we speak today become the foundation people stand on tomorrow.
A PRACTICAL GUIDE
Next time someone you love has a birthday, plan a gathering. It doesn’t need to be extravagant. Invite those who would love to celebrate them, whether a handful of close friends or a larger community.
The purpose is not the scale but the intentionality.
Share the load. Assign each guest to bring food so the burden isn’t on one person. Gather together. Laugh, reminisce, and create an environment of joy and honor.
At some point in the night, pause the festivities and gather everyone in a circle.
Set the tone by casting a vision over the group about the importance of loving others out loud. Speak with someone ahead of time about speaking first so they can gather their thoughts and lead by example. This will help set a strong precedent for the affirmations that follow.
Then, go around the room, speaking life into the person you are celebrating. Encourage specificity, highlight moments, qualities, and gifts that make this person unique. Watch as encouragement breathes life into their soul. Many will hear truths about themselves they never dared to believe.
For an even greater impact, have everyone write down what they are saying on cards. Punch a hole in the corner of each card and place them on a binder ring. Gift this collection to the person being celebrated, so they can revisit these words and be reminded of who they truly are, especially in difficult times. This tangible affirmation becomes a source of strength in seasons of doubt or struggle.
A FINAL CHARGE
Beyond birthdays, consider making this a lifestyle.
Speak life into your spouse over dinner.
Call a friend just to tell them what you admire about them.
Write letters to your children, shaping their identity with words of truth and encouragement.
The power of words is not confined to special occasions. Use them daily, and watch as lives are transformed by love spoken out loud.
This practice may feel awkward at first. It is countercultural. We live in a world where vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, where withholding encouragement feels safer than the risk of rejection. But inherent in the desire to reach hearts and change lives is the risk of being rejected.
Take the risk.
Encouragement is not a small thing. It is kingdom work.
It is the practice of speaking life where the world speaks doubt. It is putting courage into those around us so they can walk boldly in the calling God has given them.
So don’t hold back.
Don’t appreciate someone quietly.
Call out the gifts.
Celebrate the lives around you while they can still hear it.
More birthdays. Less funerals.
More life spoken, more courage given, more people walking fully in the truth of who they are in Christ.
Start today. Send a text. Make a call.
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