Weathered for the Better - [Spoken Word]


I know how to turn my smile on

so you probably can’t tell

But honestly, I’m not doing too well


The truth is, I’ve been thinking about killing myself

And by thinking about

I mean fighting with everything I’ve got

to stop me from killing myself


Anymore, I don’t stand close to sides of mountaintops

And I do my best to shy away from the thoughts

of inadequacy and suffocation

that cause me to want to throw myself from the side of a mountain out of desperation


But how do you tell your niece and nephews

let alone admit

that some days the thought of them

is the only thing keeping you

from calling it quits


Because boxing the big black dog is about to end with a knockout

stemming from distortion and doubt


I refuse to write a letter that I keep hidden in my desk

because I know that’d be the last thing left

to do

before I followed through


I’ve decided I’m turning my thorn into a chisel

and giving up control

And turning my attention

to a presentable revival


Because there’s no testimony without a test

so I’m doing my best

to deliberately be made better

through this suffer fest


And I’m still just trying to keep my head above the water

and a step ahead of the shadows that follow

Because most nights I still find myself on the floor

weeping, wondering why, what for


But now I know that this pain has a purpose

And I keep my eyes on that truth as I continue to drift into the abyss


Because maybe the reason I’m going through all this

is just so I could say this:

If that’s you

come alongside me

we’ll walk through this valley

together, tethered

knowing that it gets better.

Jared Iler // Creative Director at Humbled Daily

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